WHY SEXUAL INTIMACY MATTERS IN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
WHY SEXUAL INTIMACY MATTERS IN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Although every couple’s needs and experiences differ, research shows that sexual intimacy often plays an important role in emotional closeness, relationship satisfaction, and overall well-being. There is no universal standard for how often couples should be intimate, but studies suggest that regular sexual connection can help lower stress, strengthen bonds, and contribute to lasting relationship stability.
Benefits of Sexual Intimacy in Relationships
Psychological Benefits
Improved self-confidence and happiness:
Sexual intimacy can enhance self-esteem and reduce insecurity, helping individuals feel better about themselves. Research indicates that consensual, satisfying sexual experiences are linked to higher levels of happiness.
Stronger emotional bonding:
During sex, the brain releases chemicals such as endorphins, which help reduce irritability and depressive feelings. Oxytocin—often called the “bonding hormone”—is also released through touch and sexual activity, deepening emotional connection and strengthening intimacy between partners.
Stress reduction:
Ongoing stress can decrease sexual desire, yet sex itself can be an effective way to manage stress. Sexual activity lowers stress-related hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, with calming effects that can extend into the following day.
Better sleep quality:
Orgasms stimulate the release of prolactin, a hormone that promotes relaxation and supports deeper, more restful sleep.
Greater relationship satisfaction:
In committed relationships, sexual intimacy can strengthen emotional attachment and reinforce commitment. Expressing affection through sex is associated with increased relationship stability and a lower likelihood of separation or divorce.
Physical Benefits
Improved physical fitness:
Sex counts as moderate physical exercise, comparable to brisk walking or climbing stairs. The movements involved can strengthen abdominal and pelvic muscles, and for women, improved muscle tone may support better bladder control.
Enhanced brain health:
Research suggests that frequent sexual activity may support cognitive function. Animal studies have linked regular intercourse with improved brain performance and the growth of new brain cells, while human studies have associated frequent sex with better memory, particularly in adults over 50.
Stronger immune system:
Regular sexual activity has been shown to positively influence immune function, potentially reducing susceptibility to common illnesses like colds and flu.
Reduced pain sensitivity:
Endorphins (Endorphins are neurotransmitters released by the pituitary gland and hypothalamus in the brain. As natural hormones, they can alleviate pain, lower stress, improve mood, and enhance your sense of well-being.) released during sex not only promote relaxation but may also help lessen certain types of pain, including migraines and back pain.
Heart health benefits:
Sexual activity may help lower blood pressure, reducing the risk of heart disease and stroke. It improves blood flow by dilating blood vessels, enhancing oxygen and nutrient delivery throughout the body.
Additional physical advantages:
Being sexually active can increase libido and improve natural lubrication. Regular intercourse has also been associated with lighter menstrual flow and reduced menstrual discomfort. Hormones released after orgasm, such as DHEA, may contribute to benefits like improved digestion, healthier teeth, enhanced sense of smell, and clearer, more radiant skin.
Why the Importance of Sex Differs Between Couples
Can a relationship last without sex?
Yes. A relationship can survive without sexual activity. While sex is not essential in every situation, it can be a meaningful part of a healthy and satisfying partnership for many couples. The significance of sex varies from person to person for several reasons:
Personal values and preferences:
For some individuals, a sexual connection feels central to a romantic relationship. Others place greater value on emotional closeness, companionship, or shared life goals.
Relationship context:
How important sex feels can depend on your connection with your partner and the nature of your relationship. Whether a couple is monogamous, open, or casual can also influence expectations around sexual intimacy.
Beliefs and attitudes about sex:
Personal views about sex matter. Some people desire more sex because it helps them feel emotionally connected, express love, or feel attractive and confident.
Stage of life:
Age often affects sexual frequency, partly due to natural changes in hormone levels over time.
Life circumstances and challenges:
Factors such as stress, parenting demands, health conditions, hormonal changes, and relationship difficulties can all influence how often couples are sexually active. In some cases, physical or psychological barriers may make sex difficult or temporarily impossible.
Building Intimacy Beyond Sex
Even when sexual intimacy is limited, couples can maintain closeness by strengthening non-sexual forms of connection, such as:
- Cuddling during a movie or while relaxing outdoors
- Enjoying shared activities, like dancing or hobbies you both love
- Offering regular hugs and kisses
- Holding hands while walking together
- Making intentional time for meaningful conversations
How Often Should Couples Have Sex?
Research suggests that overall well-being is linked to sexual frequency—but only up to a point. Relationship satisfaction tends to increase from no sex to having sex about once per week. Beyond that frequency, satisfaction does not significantly improve and may even decline slightly.
While sexual frequency varies based on factors such as age and relationship status, studies show that many couples average about one sexual encounter per week. Modern lifestyles, however, may interfere. Compared to the 1990s, adults in more recent decades report having sex fewer times per year.
Average sexual frequency:
- Adults overall: About 54 times per year (roughly once a week)
- Adults in their 20s: Around 80 times per year
- Adults in their 60s: Approximately 20 times per year
Although sexual activity often decreases with age, it remains important for many older adults. Married couples, in particular, tend to remain more sexually active than unmarried peers of the same age.
Can Too Much Sex Be Harmful?
Earlier beliefs suggested that frequent sex increased prostate cancer risk, but more recent research indicates the opposite. Men with higher ejaculation frequency were found to have a lower risk of developing prostate cancer.
For some individuals, sex may slightly raise the risk of cardiac events, yet overall, higher sexual frequency has been associated with reduced heart disease mortality. Because individual health risks vary, it’s wise to discuss sexual activity with a healthcare provider.
Practicing unsafe sex, however, can negate these benefits. Following safe sex guidelines is essential.
How to Increase Sexual Frequency and Satisfaction
Sexual patterns naturally change over time, but declining frequency doesn’t have to be inevitable. In fact, intimacy and sexual fulfillment can grow as a relationship matures—with intentional effort.
Communicate openly about sex:
Emotional connection and honest conversation are essential. Increasing frequency without improving communication is unlikely to strengthen the relationship.
Focus on overall intimacy:
Emotional closeness and affectionate, non-sexual touch can help create a stronger desire for sex.
Manage stress effectively:
Chronic stress can dampen libido. Prioritizing rest, self-care, and emotional well-being supports a healthier sex life.
Be intentional with time:
Busy schedules can crowd out intimacy. Planning time for sex can help couples stay connected.
Explore and add variety:
Discuss desires and fantasies with your partner and consider introducing new experiences to keep intimacy fresh.
Address physical and emotional obstacles:
Health concerns, medication effects, or emotional struggles can interfere with intimacy. Consulting a healthcare provider may help.
Seek professional support:
If sexual intimacy has become rare or strained, exploring the underlying reasons with a qualified therapist or sex therapist can benefit both individuals and couples. At Giving Hope Counselling Services, we provide a safe, confidential, and faith-sensitive space to explore these concerns, rebuild connection, and grow toward intimacy that is emotionally healthy and spiritually grounded. Call/ WhatsApp us at +254721240462 or +254733932470 to book a counselling session. Also read other articles on relationships, marriages and families on the blog on our website www.givinhope.co.ke.
Peter Mugi Kuruga
Counselling Psychologist| Marriage and Family Therapist
Court Annexed Mediator
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References
Carter CS. Sex, love and oxytocin: Two metaphors and a molecule. Neurosci Biobehav Rev. 2022;143:104948. doi:10.1016/j.neubiorev.2022.104948
Cheng Z, Smyth R. Sex and happiness. J Econ Behav Org. 2015;112:26-32. doi:10.1016/j.jebo.2014.12.030
Liu H, Waite L, Shen S, Wang D. Is sex good for your health? A national study on partnered sexuality and cardiovascular risk among older men and women. J Health Soc Behav. 2016;57(3):276–296. doi:10.1177/0022146516661597
Lastella M, O'Mullan C, Paterson JL, Reynolds AC. Sex and sleep: Perceptions of sex as a sleep promoting behavior in the general adult population. Front Public Health. 2019;7:33. doi:10.3389/fpubh.2019.00033
Park Y, Gordon AM, Prather AA, Mendes WB. Better sleep, lower blood pressure, and less stress following sex: Findings from a large-scale ecological momentary assessment study. Health Psychol. 2024;43(12):904-912. doi:10.1037/hea0001423
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