THE BENEFITS OF CALLING FRIENDS AND FAMILY AS OPPOSED TO TEXTING

THE BENEFITS OF CALLING FAMILY AND FRIENDS AS OPPOSED TO TEXTING

Research shows that making phone calls to friends and family is more effective for maintaining connection and deepening closeness than simply texting. Recently, I’ve found myself choosing texts over phone calls. Even when I feel like calling, I worry it might disturb the other person or come across as intrusive, so I convince myself that sending a text is the safer option. Research shows that we often assume phone calls will feel more awkward than they actually do, and we underestimate the stronger sense of connection they can create compared to texting—even if texting feels easier. One of the study’s authors explained that to truly nurture the relationships that support our well-being, it’s better to use our voices and talk rather than type. More recent findings echo this point: while texting has become common, it doesn’t always provide the same emotional closeness or reduce loneliness as effectively as a call. Phone conversations often feel warmer and more personal, offering a deeper sense of connection. As neuroscientist Daniel Levitin notes, an old-fashioned phone call can be a comforting and uniquely meaningful experience when you’re feeling lonely.

The many benefits of calling

Research comparing phone calls and texting shows that children and older adults generally prefer calling, while teens and young adults lean toward texting. However, even for those who favor texting, calling often proves more effective for nurturing close relationships. One key reason is that our voices convey emotions in ways text cannot—an essential element of intimacy. Hearing a familiar voice can ease stress and trigger the release of oxytocin, the bonding hormone that fosters trust and warmth. In contrast, emojis don’t always capture feelings accurately, since their meanings can vary across cultures and sometimes lead to confusion.

Calling also helps reduce miscommunication. In one study, nearly 300 friends and romantic partners (ages 16 to 57) shared examples of texts that had led to misunderstandings. The most common issues involved difficulty interpreting emotions without vocal cues—like tone of voice—or uncertainty about whether the other person was giving their full attention. One concern with texting is attention—people often wonder if the person on the other end is truly engaged or multitasking. Another challenge is that texts are usually brief and can miss the context needed for clear understanding. This can leave conversations feeling confusing, awkward, or emotionally distant.

 

The frequent use of acronyms, abbreviations, or sloppy punctuation can also make messages harder to interpret, sometimes causing unnecessary tension. In fact, one study found that shorthand texting can come across as insincere, making recipients less likely to respond—hardly ideal for building connection.

Ambiguous messages pose another problem. When intent isn’t obvious, socially anxious people in particular may assume a negative meaning. Likewise, when a reply is delayed, it can stir up uncertainty: Is the person upset, ignoring you, or just busy? Phone calls largely avoid these pitfalls, since tone of voice, immediate feedback, and real-time clarification make communication much clearer. Still, many people stick with texting because it feels more manageable. Texting allows time to think through responses and maintain a sense of control, which can feel especially helpful in difficult conversations.

Some people, as researcher Sherry Turkle notes, try to avoid conflict or tough emotional conversations with their partner or children by handling them online. But this approach can backfire in ways we don’t intend. One study revealed that when couples used texting to discuss serious matters, bring up sensitive issues, or apologize, their face-to-face interactions later became more tense and conflict-prone. The only exception was when texts were used to share affection, which tended to improve future interactions. While this study didn’t directly compare calling and texting, past research suggests that phone calls generally lead to more satisfying conversations.

Phone calls can also be especially valuable for older adults. In one study, regular phone conversations were shown to significantly reduce loneliness among elders, even when factors like age, gender, pain levels, or cognitive health were considered. Another study comparing in-person visits, phone calls, and texting found mixed results, but still highlighted certain advantages of calling over texting. This suggests that our parents and grandparents may feel more cared for through a phone call than a simple text message.

Even with strangers, voices build connection

Hearing someone’s voice can create a stronger sense of connection, even with people we don’t know. For instance, in one study using the “Fast Friends exercise” (where strangers take turns asking each other 36 progressively personal questions), participants felt closer when the exchange happened over the phone compared to texting. Another study found that people were more likely to attribute greater intelligence and thoughtfulness to strangers with opposing political views when they heard them explain their perspective out loud rather than reading the same words in print. In short, hearing a voice helps humanize others.

 

Texting still has its benefits

Of course, this doesn’t mean texting is always the wrong choice. In many situations, sending a text is practical—like when people live in different time zones and can’t easily schedule a call. It’s also far better than not communicating at all. For those who have difficulty speaking or who live with hearing loss, texting can serve as a vital tool for staying socially connected. Texting is especially useful for quick, practical communication—like confirming a meeting with your boss or letting someone know you’ll be late for dinner. It can also be the better option depending on your comfort level. Research suggests that while loneliness can make phone calls feel more rewarding, people with high social anxiety may find texting easier and more satisfying. For them, a call might feel too personal or uncomfortable, whereas sending a text can serve as a safer first step toward connection.

Generational habits play a role, too. Many young people who have grown up in a texting culture simply aren’t used to talking on the phone. For teens, texting is the norm and serves important social purposes. They may not fully grasp traditional phone etiquette or realize the deeper connection they’re missing by relying only on texts. Still, evidence shows that even teenagers acknowledge that calling can sometimes be the better choice—depending on who they’re communicating with and the situation. Some parents are beginning to question the value of texting for younger children and are instead encouraging phone calls. By reinstalling traditional landlines at home and working with other parents to do the same, they’ve noticed their kids becoming more attentive listeners and stronger communicators—while also steering clear of the risks that come with early exposure to social media through cell phones.

So perhaps it’s worth choosing to call a little more often. You may be surprised at how much more satisfying a conversation feels compared to texting—and how it can help your relationships grow closer and more meaningful.

At *Giving Hope Counselling Services*, our expert Counselling Psychologists are here to guide you in building stronger, healthier connections through effective communication. Whether it’s learning when a phone call can nurture deeper intimacy or finding better ways to express yourself in everyday interactions, we provide practical, research-backed strategies to help you strengthen your relationships and feel truly heard.

Call/WhatsApp us at *+254733932470* |*+254733932470* to book a counselling session. Also visit the blog on our website www.givinghope.co.ke for more comprehensive articles on mental health, relationships and Marriages.

*Peter Mugi Kuruga*

*Counselling Psychologist* | *Marriage and Family Therapist*

*Court Annexed Mediator*